The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem Summary

My good friend Paul gave me The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem years ago, and I keep in mind having to read most pages twice. It felt very difficult at the time. The concepts in it are for certain, Nathaniel Branden’s thinking is on a very high and abstract level. After all you wouldn’t count on anything less from certainly one of Ayn Rand‘s most devoted followers (and former lovers, ahem).

Branden devoted his life to the psychology of vanity, which culminated in the publication of this book in 1994. He discovered six pillars, which are the foundation on which one can develop a healthy amount of shallowness, to live a fulfilled life.

Listed here are three lessons from the book:

Shallowness is like calcium: an absence won’t kill you, but you'll be able to’t really live with out it.
Settle for your self and take full responsibility.
Living purposefully and working towards personal integrity are the hardest pillars of self-esteem.
Ready to assert your proper to be comfortable? Time for a pep speak!

Lesson 1: Vanity is like calcium: a lack received’t kill you, but you may’t truly live with out it.
You may read headlines like "10 Tricks to Appear More Confident" or"How to Increase Your Self-Esteem" everywhere, but if I asked you to really explain what vanity is, could you do it?

It absolutely has to be more than the drunken confidence of frat guys attempting cheesy pick-up lines on girls, proper? Yup!

Nathaniel Branden says vanity is the immune system of consciousness, with the power to resist, make it robust and regenerate it.

In a means, vanity is like calcium. Calcium is what makes your tooth and bones sturdy, making it an essential part of a healthy body. While a scarcity of calcium gained’t kill you, in case you keep depleted over a very long time, dwelling a totally engaged life becomes really hard, as your body gets weak.

The identical is true for self-esteem and your psychological well-being. Sure, you may navigate via life with out it, however you’ll always get pushed around and not actually live in accordance along with your goals, functions and values.

This is because vanity works like a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you anticipate your self to be capable of, the more these expectations influence your habits in a manner that makes your actions align with them. Due to this fact, your shallowness is a strategy to flip your wishes into reality.

Lesson 2: Settle for yourself as you're and take responsibility for a hundred% of the things that occur in your life.
I can’t describe all six pillars of self esteem nathaniel branden pillars here, but number 2 and three are important. They are self-acceptance and self-accountability, which could also be a bit hard to differentiate at first, so let me try.

Self-acceptance is related to mindfulness. You choose to value yourself, just the way in which you're, with out working towards judgment. For instance, yesterday I bit my nails very badly. I could get mad at myself and regret this, but if I choose to accept that it happened, I can then ask why I bit within the first place. The reply is that I was stressed, because I felt behind on what I wanted to accomplish for the day, and biting my nails was a physical aid for the stress that I created in my head when my expectations didn’t match reality.

When you follow self-acceptance and dig deeper, you’ll make repeating this bad behavior loads less likely. A caveat: Self-acceptance shouldn’t be confused with complacency. To the contrary. The only option to discover the drive to get better is to accept yourself as you at the moment are, otherwise you’ll waste all your time agonizing over your previous mistakes.

Self-duty is a direct results of self-acceptance. It means taking control of your life and happiness by becoming 100% answer-oriented. Don’t waste even a second complaining, and instantly ask "What can I do about it?" whenever a problem arises. Completely stop blaming others. Nobody’s pushing your buttons, no one’s actions are a pre-situation to your own and it's nobody’s job to make you happy.

It’s all you, and that’s a superb thing!

Lesson 3: Attempt to live with a function and apply personal integrity (it’s hard!)
Pillars 5 and 6 are linked as well. The previous is about dwelling purposefully. Most of us really feel like now we have a sense of what our purpose is, or at least a tough concept of it. Living with function means to try to preserve clarifying that purpose as you go along, while concurrently taking actions that’ll move us closer in that direction.

For instance, I may say I wish to be a writer, but then just "wait till I have a good suggestion for a novel". Instead, I just build my expertise within the meantime, by writing for 4 Minute Books every time I get a chance. I can work out an thought for a novel later, at the least I’m dwelling in alignment with my purpose.

Taking action is the half that makes certain you full the sixth pillar, probably the most difficult of all of them: personal integrity. It’s when the way you behave matches the words you speak. It begins with keeping small guarantees and talking the reality even when slightly white lie could be more convenient. This is the hardest one to observe, because our society makes amorality seem regular – being a cynic and exhibiting bad habits is even considered cool as of late (drinking, failing at a startup, not caring about your profession, etc.).

The fact that you and I are surrounded by loads of dishonest hypocrites makes it all of the more clear and necessary that now we have to be different.