The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem Summary

My pal Paul gave me The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem years ago, and I keep in mind having to read most pages twice. It felt very sophisticated on the time. The ideas in it are for certain, Nathaniel Branden’s thinking is on a really high and abstract level. Of course you wouldn’t expect anything less from one among Ayn Rand‘s most devoted followers (and former lovers, ahem).

Branden devoted his life to the psychology of self-esteem, which culminated within the publication of this book in 1994. He discovered six pillars of self esteem read online pillars, which are the muse on which one can develop a healthy quantity of self-esteem, to live a fulfilled life.

Here are 3 lessons from the book:

Vanity is like calcium: an absence gained’t kill you, but you may’t really live with out it.
Settle for your self and take full responsibility.
Living purposefully and practicing personal integrity are the hardest pillars of self-esteem.
Ready to say your proper to be pleased? Time for a pep talk!

Lesson 1: Shallowness is like calcium: a scarcity received’t kill you, but you possibly can’t truly live with out it.
You possibly can read headlines like "10 Tips to Seem More Confident" or"How you can Boost Your Self-Esteem" in every single place, but when I asked you to really explain what vanity is, might you do it?

It absolutely must be more than the drunken confidence of frat guys making an attempt cheesy pick-up lines on girls, proper? Yup!

Nathaniel Branden says vanity is the immune system of consciousness, with the flexibility to withstand, make it sturdy and regenerate it.

In a means, self-esteem is like calcium. Calcium is what makes your enamel and bones sturdy, making it a vital part of a healthy body. While a scarcity of calcium gained’t kill you, if you happen to keep depleted over a long time, residing a completely engaged life turns into really hard, as your body gets weak.

The identical is true for vanity and your psychological well-being. Sure, you possibly can navigate by way of life without it, but you’ll all the time get pushed round and not really live in accordance with your targets, purposes and values.

This is because self-esteem works like a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you count on yourself to be capable of, the more these expectations affect your behavior in a manner that makes your actions align with them. Due to this fact, your self-esteem is a approach to flip your needs into reality.

Lesson 2: Accept yourself as you're and take accountability for one hundred% of the things that occur in your life.
I can’t describe all six pillars right here, however number 2 and three are important. They are self-acceptance and self-responsibility, which may be a bit hard to distinguish at first, so let me try.

Self-acceptance is related to mindfulness. You choose to value yourself, just the way you are, without training judgment. For example, yesterday I bit my nails very badly. I could get mad at myself and remorse this, but when I choose to accept that it happened, I can then ask why I bit within the first place. The reply is that I used to be burdened, because I felt behind on what I wished to perform for the day, and biting my nails was a physical relief for the stress that I created in my head when my expectations didn’t match reality.

Should you apply self-acceptance and dig deeper, you’ll make repeating this bad habits lots less likely. A caveat: Self-acceptance shouldn’t be confused with complacency. To the contrary. The only option to find the drive to get higher is to just accept yourself as you are actually, otherwise you’ll waste all of your time agonizing over your past mistakes.

Self-accountability is a direct result of self-acceptance. It means taking control of your life and happiness by changing into one hundred% resolution-oriented. Don’t waste even a second complaining, and immediately ask "What can I do about it?" at any time when a problem arises. Completely cease blaming others. Nobody’s pushing your buttons, no one’s actions are a pre-condition on your own and it's nobody’s job to make you happy.

It’s all you, and that’s a great thing!

Lesson three: Try to live with a objective and practice personal integrity (it’s hard!)
Pillars 5 and 6 are linked as well. The previous is about living purposefully. Most of us feel like we've got a sense of what our function is, or at the very least a tough concept of it. Living with objective means to attempt to preserve clarifying that function as you go alongside, while concurrently taking actions that’ll move us closer in that direction.

For instance, I could say I need to be a writer, however then just "wait till I've a good suggestion for a novel". Instead, I just build my expertise in the meantime, by writing for Four Minute Books each time I get a chance. I can figure out an thought for a novel later, no less than I’m residing in alignment with my purpose.

Taking motion is the part that makes sure you full the sixth pillar, probably the most troublesome of all of them: personal integrity. It’s when the way you behave matches the words you speak. It begins with keeping small promises and talking the truth even when just a little white lie can be more convenient. This is the hardest one to observe, because our society makes amorality appear regular – being a cynic and exhibiting bad habits is even considered cool as of late (drinking, failing at a startup, not caring about your profession, etc.).

The truth that you and I are surrounded by loads of dishonest hypocrites makes it all the more clear and necessary that we have now to be different.